


The Perfect Fit

by TwistedDuck



Series: I will not give up and I will not give in [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, damaged reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 00:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5436269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedDuck/pseuds/TwistedDuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flashback into earlier in relationship<br/>Damaged Reader but not fully detailed so tailor to fit to you (if you too are damaged)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perfect Fit

**Author's Note:**

> The Perfect Fit by The Dresden Dolls is a good soundtrack to this story.  
> "Hello, I'm good for nothing, will you love me just the same?"

To begin with you and Sam just cuddled. You'd sneak to his room or he'd sneak to yours. Just to hold each other all night was enough. As time progressed so did the physicality of your relationship. It began with kissing, simple but passionate enough to express your feelings. You wished you could tell Sam how much you loved him but you couldn't do more yet; you were too dirty, too unclean to be worthy of him. 

Finally one night you got too drunk and broke down in front of him. You knew others had had it worse but it didn't stop you being sexually fucked up. You were polluted. Damaged goods in so many ways. The next morning you wouldn't remember your confession but Sam never forgot. He could relate. Both through the demon blood and his time in Hell but he knew that if he audibly empathised it would only have confirmed how pathetic you felt you were in comparison. 

Sam woke you with caresses and cuddles which expressed so much more than words ever could. 

That night you made love for the first time. It was as though a burden was lifted from you even though you couldn't explain why. As you kissed him, your hand snaked down into his boxers making him freeze. He felt you smile against his lips before beginning to rub his penis. You were nervous as fuck, it’d been years since you’d last had sex and it hadn’t exactly been under the best conditions but tonight just felt right somehow.

You rolled him onto his back and straddled him as you grinded against him.

Breaking away from kissing you he asked “are you sure?” but you simply smiled and rolled over onto your back taking him with you so he was on top.

Cautiously he pulled down your pyjamas and ran a finger along your sex. Your breath faltered but your legs tightened around him. 

“Please Sam” you whispered.

That first night was so gentle and magical. Sam made you feel beautiful in every way; kissing every bit of you, telling you how much he loved you. He held you as you came and you fell asleep in his arms.

However when you woke up a few hours later, the feeling of disgust had returned. You felt unclean and like you had contaminated Sam. Pulling out from his hold you went to the bathroom to shower. 

You sat there under the water crying and scrubbing your skin until it was sore. Afterwards you dressed and left the bunker for a long walk only returning when it started to get light. 

You snuck back in with Sam before he woke up and feigned sleep. Little did you know that Sam had been awake the whole time. He’d heard you crying in the shower. He had Cas watch over you whilst you walked. When he knew you were coming back he had returned to bed faking sleep himself.

That day you both acted normal and that night once again you instigated the love making. Once again when Sam was 'asleep' you showered and scrubbed until you were sore and once again Sam knew but pretended to slumber. 

Every night Sam made sure to tell you how beautiful you were, how perfect, how pure. And every night you’d agree until he was ‘asleep’ then you’d go scrub yourself clean.

Eventually though his words began to sink in and the showers became less regular. Sam never stopped his words though, ensuring you realised you were worthy of his love and that what you were doing was okay.

Within a couple months the cleansing ritual was non-existent. That was when Dean gave you the ultimatum of picking a room.

You moved into Sam’s room the next day and everything was perfect for nearly a month until your self-hatred came out in depression and you took off to ‘hunt’ for a month without them.

When you returned everything was perfect with Sam again. He had been worried that you’d go back to your previous ritual but you were the happiest he’d seen you in a while and things went back to normal.

He wasn’t naïve though. He noticed the new scars and the mania which you were trying to conceal whilst still working your way back to normality. 

He never mentioned it though. He knew the best thing was to let you tell him when you were ready. 

He loved you. You loved him. He knew he couldn’t protect you from yourself or the demons in your head but for now he could protect you from the world and he would do that as long as you let him.


End file.
